I went to see her the night she was diagnosed, while she was still at Calvary Hospital on Angus Street. She didn’t say a word to me about the diagnosis. We just talked normally — about any letters I’d received for my project, and how Mum and my brother are doing. She seemed to be in good spirits, but I knew deep down she must have been feeling confused and scared.
I didn’t bring it up either, because I want her to have the freedom to talk about it with me only when she feels comfortable.
I’ve since spoken to her daughter, who told me that Nanny had asked her not to tell me about the diagnosis because Dad had just passed. But her daughter told her that I already knew. She also mentioned that Nanny asked for my brother not to fly over from England specifically to see her because of the cost — so typical of Nanny.
I spoke to my brother, and he doesn’t care what she says; he’s still planning to come in the next couple of months to say goodbye.
I haven’t seen Nanny since my visit to the hospital earlier this week. She’s back at the nursing home now, and I plan to visit her as much as I can, while still giving her space and not being too intrusive.
Another significant thing that’s happened since I last wrote is that I turned 43! Below are the flowers Mum sent me for my birthday. They’re my favourite — chrysanthemums.
David is 81 and some kind of physician. He still works and even assists with surgeries. He is absolutely hilarious, and I always joke with Mum about whether I should start calling him Dad because I swear they might end up together. Apparently, they even went out in their early twenties.
The group at the dinner was a mix of my friends from a society I’m involved with, my planetarium friends, my best friend Hussein, some old friends, and two of Mum’s friends. I had originally planned to make origami aliens to go on name cards for the table, but I ended up deciding against it. I thought it would be better for people to sit wherever they wanted.
There are benefits to place cards, though. A couple of people who didn’t know anyone and were a bit shy ended up sitting together by default. Still, I think leaving things open made the night feel less restrictive. I’ll put some photos of the origami aliens I made at the bottom of this post.
Mum was so lovely — she paid for everyone’s dinner and drinks. I told her she didn’t have to do that, but she’s very old-school, so she picked up the tab.
I don’t really drink much, but on Friday night I had four fruit tingle cocktails, which are my favourite. Because I don’t drink often, I could really feel the effects.
It reminded me of my 40th birthday. We had an astrophysics course at the Planetarium that night, and a group of us went out for dinner at the Mawson Lakes Hotel beforehand. Since it was my 40th, a few of us drank as many fruit tingles as we could manage. My friend was teaching the class, so she didn’t drink much, but two or three of us were sitting right at the back, laughing and making a bit of noise because we were all a little tipsy.
At my birthday dinner, I was talking to a few people about the letters I’ve been writing and asking world leaders and chief justices for copies of their oaths. My friend sitting next to me suddenly started going on about how no one takes oaths seriously in court and how no one ever gets charged with perjury. This was probably after my fourth cocktail, and I honestly couldn’t quite follow what he was getting at.
As far as I know, people do get charged with perjury. It’s an offence to lie under oath, and there are serious consequences for doing so. He was making such a big deal about it, and I just told him what I’m writing here: it’s not okay to lie under oath. He kept saying there’s no way to prove it, and so on, and I wish I’d had more information in that moment to engage in the conversation more constructively.
I asked Mum’s friend, who is a lawyer, and she confirmed that yes, people do lie under oath — and of course I understand that — but she also said the law absolutely does care about perjury. My friend’s point seemed to be that it doesn’t, and I just don’t agree. But I’m not going to try to prove him wrong. I’ve moved on.
My friend George was there, and he gave me an invitation to his wedding to Doug. It will be my first same-sex wedding, and I’m genuinely excited about it because I feel so passionately about marriage equality.
George and Doug were sitting down the end of the table with people they didn’t know, so I went and sat with them for a while. George and I have been friends for around twenty-five years, and I kept introducing him to people as my “old” friend. He kept saying, “I’m not really that old,” and now that I’m over forty myself, I find that joke even funnier.
My former tutor bought me a birthday cake, and Mum got one too, so we ended up with two cakes to choose from. You can see them both below.
Below are some photos of the entrance and the inside. The big black ball in the middle of the room is the star ball, which projects the stars and constellations onto the dome.
After we all left, Mum and I drove my former tutor back to her place in town, and then we took Mum’s friend David back to where he was staying in Glenelg.
David is Australian, but he lives in England and comes back here to work for a few months each year. He’s a really funny guy, and since we had a doctor in the car, I took the opportunity to tell him I was planning a three-week water fast and asked if he thought it was a good idea. I already knew what he would say, but I was curious to hear how he would word it.
He said it was a very bad idea — dangerous, and likely to cause all sorts of problems. I told him I had a prescription for Ozempic but was having trouble getting it because they usually only give it to people with diabetes. David said that if I wanted to lose weight, Ozempic was effective, and then he gave me some other advice. Doctors always stick to the safest line, and he did the same.
Jesus fasted for forty days and forty nights, and when I mentioned that on Friday night, a couple of my friends laughed because they thought I was comparing myself to Jesus — who is also God. That’s not what I meant at all. Jesus was a flesh-and-blood human male, and part of the point of His life is that He experienced the world as we do. My point was simply that fasting exists in the Christian tradition, not that I’m trying to replicate it or elevate myself.
But David’s advice did strike a chord with me. In the end, I decided to adjust my eating substantially instead. He agreed this was a much better idea than attempting any kind of long fast.
When Mum and I eventually got home from Glenelg, I went through some of the presents I’d been given. I probably should have said “no presents” when I invited everyone, but it was very kind of them to bring something. Below is the bunch of flowers Hussein gave me for my birthday, along with a gift card, which was really lovely.
My birthday dinner and the Planetarium show were a great success. I’m so glad I did it. I don’t know if you’ve picked up from this blog that I tend to keep to myself in life. I’ve accumulated friends through different things I’ve been involved in, but I always seem to withdraw from groups, which is why I’m usually on my own.
Now that I’m on the road to self-actualisation, I want that to change. I think Mum was so adamant that I do something for my birthday — and even paid for it — because she knows how much time I spend at home, and she wants to see me engage more socially.
And I’ve decided I’m going to. I want to open up and welcome new people into my life. I’m going to take opportunities to make new friends when they come, instead of stepping back like I usually do.
Now that I’ve explained my big birthday bash, I’ll tell you about the other significant thing that’s happened since I last wrote. I didn’t check my PO Box for a week because I wanted to give myself the chance of a birthday surprise when I finally opened it. And I did get a surprise — from the German Chancellor, Olaf Scholz. He advised that he doesn’t participate in private artworks, and it made me realise exactly where I went wrong with these Heads of Government letters.
Before sending the letters out, I wanted to make sure I could use the responses as part of an artwork without running into copyright issues. In the letter I sent to all the Heads of Government, I wrote that I was collecting oaths from around the world for a non-commercial art piece.
A lot of the people who responded mentioned the artwork in their letters and wished me luck with it, but that wasn’t actually what I wanted. What I really wanted was just the oath itself — maybe with a simple wish of good luck for my life or my project, not commentary about the artwork.
When I was trying to figure out how to phrase the letters, I had asked Arts Law whether I should mention the private art project, and the lawyer told me that if I did, many offices wouldn’t respond. But I couldn’t afford an ongoing consultation, so I ended up making the best decision I could at the time and included that line for the Heads of Government letters. I did it because those were the letters I hoped to use in an artwork.
I don’t regret what happened with the Heads of Government letters — I learned a valuable lesson, and I’m glad I did it. It led me to the projects I’m working on now.
So now you’re all caught up and up to date with my life. As promised, below are some photos of the origami aliens I recently made.
