I Leave It To Posterity

I've been tossing and turning over whether to write about this. In the end, because of the anonymous nature of the blog, I've decided that I can say that my mother has been diagnosed with mild dementia.

Not a huge amount has changed in terms of her personality or identity. She is still very much herself; it's just that she has some memory issues. Even so, she is able to live a full life, socialising, knitting, attending appointments, and making plans. There haven't been any major disruptions as a result of her diagnosis, but I am doing my best to make sure we access every service available to help maximise her quality of life for as long as possible.

One of the services I was encouraged to explore was an exercise physiologist. Apparently exercise can be very beneficial for people living with dementia, and because Mum also has a few mobility issues, an exercise physiologist was recommended to help get her moving again.

On Monday morning, we went to see an exercise physiologist named Jennifer at a place called Movement in Mind on Magill Road. She was a young woman who was clearly passionate about exercise and movement, and I was really impressed by the way she interacted with Mum.

Mum has some physical limitations due to a skiing accident she suffered decades ago, as well as a knee replacement. She walks with a slight limp and sometimes struggles with her balance. Jennifer took her through a series of exercises to assess her current abilities so that she could develop a plan to help Mum become stronger and more mobile.

She explained that half an hour of exercise each day would be the ideal goal. It's going to take some time to get Mum to the point where she can comfortably do that, but it's encouraging to have something concrete to work towards.

While we were in Jennifer's consulting room, I took a few photos. Below you can see a Pilates machine. I'm not entirely sure how it works, but it was certainly a prominent feature of the room.

If you look behind the machine, to the left, you'll notice a painting. I was drawn to both the colours and its abstract nature. There was something about it that seemed to suit the room perfectly, and I felt it added a sense of warmth and personality to the space.

I took a close-up photograph of it, which you can see below.

I just want to be clear that I asked Jennifer whether I could take photos of her consulting room, and she was more than happy for me to do so.

The last photo is the one that excited me the most. If you look in the bottom left-hand corner of the photo of the painting, you'll see an anatomical model. I absolutely love these things. I can see why an exercise physiologist would use one in their practice, but as someone with an interest in both anatomy and sculpture, it was thrilling to see it sitting there on the mantelpiece.

It also ties into some plans I have for the future, which I'll tell you a little more about later in this post.

I couldn't resist taking a close-up photo of the anatomical model, which you can see below.

Before we left, we booked another appointment with Jennifer for next Monday. She recommended that Mum undertake strength training twice a week and, to be honest, I don't care how much it costs. I've decided that we're going to follow that schedule if we can, because I want to do everything possible to maximise Mum's physical abilities and help her maintain her independence for as long as possible.

So, Mum's got mild dementia. I've overthought it a lot and, as I mentioned before, my priority is Mum's wellbeing, comfort and quality of life. I've spoken to a counsellor at Dementia Australia a few times, and he has given me advice and pointed me towards services and supports that I have since followed up.

While I've mentioned Mum's diagnosis here on my blog, which is my safe space, I'm not going to write about it too much because it isn't my lived experience. I am devastated, of course, and I continue to grieve what is to come. At the same time, I have had to sit down and think seriously about what I am going to do with myself later on down the track.

For most of my life, I really only had three people: Mum, Dad and Nanny. Dad and Nanny both passed away in 2024, and now it's just me and Mum. At some point, hopefully in the distant future, I am going to be completely alone.

I have my brother, who lives in London, and he has been good to us in the sense that he allows us to stay in his house, which I know comes at a financial loss to him. But we don't really talk. Mostly, we argue about Palestine and colonialism. He is very right wing, frankly, more right wing than I am comfortable with. The last time I spoke to him, he told me he didn't want any trace of Islam in the United Kingdom.

If you've been following this blog, you'll know that I have bounced around between all sorts of ideas about what I should do with my life. Most of those plans have been hindered by severe insomnia. As I write this, it is 3:25am on Wednesday 17 June.

But Mum's diagnosis has forced me to confront a reality that I have been able to avoid for a long time. I am 44 years old, and sooner or later I need to decide what I am going to do with the rest of my life.

The truth is that I don't have many formal qualifications. I completed a Certificate IV in Business Administration in 2002 and a Certificate IV in TESOL in 2016. I've also accumulated a collection of unfinished certificates and degrees, but they don't count.

One encouraging sign is that when I was looking for work earlier this year, I was offered quite a number of interviews, most of which I eventually withdrew from. The exception was a position with Red Cross Lifeblood, which I actually secured, but had to leave because of my insomnia.

If things ever became desperate and I simply needed to earn a living to keep a roof over my head, I think I could probably get a call centre job. But I haven't worked in eleven years. During that time, I've done a lot of caring and volunteer work, and I suspect that's what helped me secure those interviews.

The thing is that my vocation has never really been administration or customer service. My vocation is to create. To make things and to write things.

I've spoken many times about returning to Adelaide University to study a Bachelor of Fine Arts. On paper, it is a perfect fit. It would teach me how to draw, paint, sculpt and create. But Mum's diagnosis has made me realise that I want something more specific.

I have previously written about Patricia Piccinini's Big Mother sculpture, which depicts a genetically engineered primate wet-nursing a human child at the Art Gallery of South Australia. That is the sort of work I want to make.

I don't just want to engage with these ideas conceptually. I want to learn how to physically create them. I want to work with silicone, latex, mould-making, life-casting and prosthetics. I want to create humans, creatures, aliens, Neanderthals, animals and whatever else my imagination can dream up. I want to learn traditional sculpting techniques so that I can make something truly outrageous.

The reality is that I spend a lot of time talking about what I want to do. But this is something I genuinely want to pursue.

I want to develop a unique skill set that will allow me to bring my ideas to life. I'm not just oaths and letters. I want to create lifeforms.

I'm sure I would learn some of these skills through a Bachelor of Fine Arts, but I want a more direct pathway. That's why I have decided that I am going to enrol in the Advanced Diploma of Screen and Media at the Media Makeup Academy, which is based in Adelaide's Myer Centre.

The course focuses on prosthetics, prop-making, special effects makeup and many of the techniques used throughout the film and theatre industries. I've spoken about this course before, but this time I am serious.

Students begin by learning makeup artistry, which I am genuinely interested in, particularly from a historical perspective. From there, the course moves into mould-making, casting, silicone work, latex applications and prosthetics. By the end of it, I would have developed a practical skill set that could allow me to create the kinds of works that currently only exist in my imagination.

I've already made contact with the school and told them that I intend to enrol in 2027. The course runs for just over two years.

Alongside that, I plan to complete a Bachelor of Journalism online through Adelaide University. Hopefully it will allow me to earn some income through writing, while also giving me the skills to write more effectively about the subjects that interest me most.

Those subjects are the British Empire, colonialism, and the situation in Israel and the Occupied Palestinian Territories. However, I have made a personal decision that I won't write extensively about Israel until I have actually been there and seen it for myself.

Partly, that's because Israel has sometimes denied entry to people who have been publicly critical of its government, and partly because I believe that there is value in seeing a place with your own eyes before attempting to write about it in depth. That's not always necessary, but I think it matters in this case.

At the moment, Smart Traveller has a Do Not Travel warning in place for Israel, which means I wouldn't be able to obtain travel insurance. So, I'm not going right now. But if that advice changes, and if I can afford it, I intend to go.

So, after really sitting down and wrestling with myself about what I want to do with my life, that's the plan: an Advanced Diploma of Screen and Media and a Bachelor of Journalism. After I finish the journalism degree, I want to go on to postgraduate studies in Fine Arts and, eventually, complete a PhD.

The Advanced Diploma doesn't begin until January 2027, which means I've got about six months to work with. I'll be studying journalism online, but my days will largely be free. I've got my volunteer shifts on Saturday and Sunday mornings, and my Art Gallery volunteer shift for two and a half hours each week, but there is still a lot of time left over.

I am going to fix my insomnia. I am not going to stay up all night and sleep all day anymore.

With that in mind, I decided to apply for a Certificate II in Hospitality at TAFE. While most people my age have doctorates, are specialist doctors, or are maybe even judges, here I am taking on a Certificate II in Hospitality. But for me, it is the most important qualification I will ever complete.

The reason is simple: I'm going to finish it, if it kills me. I am going to get up in the morning, go to TAFE, do the work and come home. It might be an entry-level qualification, but I think I can make it look good on my résumé. More importantly, I don't think I need to make it look good. It is good. It's a respectable qualification, it takes four months to complete, and that's not nothing.

I considered enrolling in the Certificate III, but it costs around $7,000. I'd rather save that money for other goals, including a future trip to Israel, so the government-funded Certificate II made more sense.

Ultimately, I'd like to get a job at the Festival Theatre or the Entertainment Centre. They seem like ideal workplaces in terms of flexibility, and I imagine there would be plenty of shifts available for someone who wanted them.

I actually worked at the Entertainment Centre when I was 16 years old, and I loved it. One of the things I remember most is that there were people of all ages working there, so I don't think my age will be an issue. 

So that's the educational and occupational plan for the next ten years or so. Along the way, I'm also hoping to volunteer at the Festival Theatre so that I can gain some experience and learn how the industry works from the inside.

It seems a little optimistic to think that I can actually follow this plan. Mum will have care needs, there will be financial pressures, and ultimately I'm going to need somewhere to live. But if nothing else, I want the Advanced Diploma. I want a skill set that will allow me to bring some of these ideas to life.

I am going to do everything I can to finish the qualification. It's going to be a battle against myself, a battle against time with Mum, and a battle against finances. I have enough money to live comfortably for about a year, but somehow I have to find a way to sustain an income beyond that.

So this plan isn't delusional as such, but it is ambitious. Still, I genuinely believe the Advanced Diploma could put me in a position either to continue studying or to use those skills to build a life for myself.

Something I've been thinking about lately is the colonial settlers of Adelaide. People like William Light, who was probably the most important colonial figure in the city's history. He chose the site of Adelaide and designed the famous grid layout with the surrounding Park Lands. Then there was Robert Gouger, one of the founders of South Australia and the colony's first Colonial Secretary. Gouger Street is named after him. There was also John Hindmarsh, the first Governor of South Australia and the man who formally proclaimed the colony in 1836, and George Fife Angas, a financier and promoter who played a crucial role in getting the colony off the ground. Angas Street is named in his honour.

I don't claim to know a great deal about any of these men beyond the basics I've just outlined. Yet their names remain all around us. Streets, plaques, monuments and statues continue to commemorate them nearly two centuries later.

Lately, I've become particularly interested in the statues of these colonial figures.

There is a statue of Colonel William Light at Montefiore Hill.

What's interesting is that the statue wasn't originally located at Montefiore Hill. It stood in Victoria Square from 1906 until 1938, when it was moved and became known as "Light's Vision". The idea was that this was the place where Light looked out across the plains and imagined the future city.

If you look carefully, Light is pointing towards Adelaide. Beneath the statue is the inscription:

"I leave it to posterity..."

In a sense, Light was defending his choice of location and leaving it to future generations to decide whether he had been right.

What I find interesting about the symbolism is that Light isn't portrayed as a ruler or conqueror. Instead, he is presented as a planner and visionary looking towards the future.

Victoria Square (Tarntanyangga) is fascinating because it contains several colonial statues rather than just one. In many ways, it feels like an outdoor gallery dedicated to South Australia's colonial memory.

The statue of Queen Victoria was unveiled in 1894 and paid for by Adelaide businessman and politician Sir Edwin Smith. The bronze was cast using copper from South Australian mines, which was a source of pride at the time.

Unlike Light, who represents the founding of Adelaide, Queen Victoria represents the British Empire itself. She is the figure from whom colonial authority ultimately flowed.

There is also a statue of John McDouall Stuart. Stuart successfully crossed Australia from south to north and back again. His expeditions helped open inland Australia to settlement and paved the way for the Overland Telegraph. His statue celebrates exploration and expansion.

Nearby stands Charles Sturt, who explored the Murray-Darling river system and much of inland Australia. His statue depicts him peering into the distance, carrying surveying and navigation equipment.

Then there is Charles Kingston. Kingston was Premier of South Australia during the 1890s. He helped introduce progressive reforms, including women's suffrage, but he was also one of the architects of the White Australia Policy.

That makes Kingston one of the more complicated figures commemorated in Adelaide's public spaces. It raises a question that I find myself thinking about more and more as I get older: can people be both good and bad at the same time?

I actually find these statues incredibly offensive. It is because of people like this that Aboriginal people were dispossessed of their land. While you don't hear the same stories of violence and massacres around the settlement of Adelaide as you do in some other parts of Australia, the reality is that if it weren't for Colonel William Light and the other colonial figures who followed him, the Kaurna people would have remained in their rightful homeland.

I find it remarkable that these statues still stand without much question. Apart from anything else, it feels deeply insensitive. I talk about the possibility of being delusional when I make plans to study special effects makeup and sculpture, but that's not delusional. We are a small city at the bottom of mainland Australia, and I think there is something delusional about pretending that these monuments are not offensive to many First Nations people.

Recently, I decided that I want to eventually pursue a PhD centred on creating statues of Aboriginal people in the same poses as colonial figures commemorated around Australia.

For example, the statue of Colonel William Light at Montefiore Hill, pointing towards the city. I want to create a statue of an Aboriginal man in the same pose, made from the same materials, also pointing towards the city.

Then there is Queen Victoria in Victoria Square (Tarntanyangga). I want to create a statue of an Aboriginal woman in exactly the same pose. Most of the colonial statues around Australia depict men, so I think there would be something particularly powerful about placing an Aboriginal woman into a pose traditionally reserved for imperial authority.

From there, I want to expand the project nationally. There are statues of Captain James Cook and Governor Lachlan Macquarie in Sydney, Robert O'Hara Burke and William John Wills in Melbourne, Alexander Forrest in Perth, and many more besides. I still need to do a lot of research, but my intention is to create Aboriginal counterparts to these colonial monuments, using the same poses, materials and visual language.

The goal wouldn't be to erase the original statues. Rather, it would be to create a conversation with them. To ask who is remembered, who is commemorated, and whose stories remain absent from our public spaces.

For now, I'm going to explore the statues here in Adelaide and try to understand exactly what I'm up against.

I think I've been put in a position where I have to ask myself: what do I really want to do? What is possible? What's realistic?

The truth is that I know what I want to do. I want to make things and I want to write. It's one thing to say that—I've been saying it for more than two years—but actually doing it is something else entirely.

I don't know what's realistic, but I do know that anything is possible if you really put your mind to it. So, I'm going to take things one step at a time.

I'm enrolled in journalism and that starts in a few weeks. But the real test will be the Certificate II in Hospitality. That's where I'll need to find the strength and determination to get up every morning, no matter what, and show up. I need to complete the qualification and then, hopefully, put it to good use, perhaps with a job at the Festival Theatre or the Entertainment Centre.

I'm also in the process of enrolling in the Advanced Diploma for next year, but I'm not going to think too much about it until I've completed the Certificate II in Hospitality.

Some people finish medical degrees. Some people finish law degrees. As for me, I'm going to damn well finish this Certificate II if it kills me.